Killing Me Softly

I am a certified quitter.

So I haven't had time to do anything lately; working every day from 10pm to 6:30am and having to go to my original job in the afternoon was killing me: I was/am putting in more than 60 hours a week, and it almost killed me.

See, the reason I had taken this new job was because I wanted to leave my retail job behind for something better. I needed a car before school started in August, and I just wanted a better lifestyle. Unfortunately, I was just a six week filler for someone on maternity leave, and the position "may or may not be temporary". See, I need more information than that - it's just not reliable. So as a backup plan, I kept my old job while working at this new job, and if they decided to keep me after the six weeks were up, I could quit my retail job.

But it started to take a toll on my body; Monday night I had almost passed out at work, causing them to send me to the break room. I hadn't had time to even eat lately, I haven't had time to sleep, I even missed my mom. What's even worse is that I work EVERY DAY, and when I'm off from the retail job, I still sleep allllll day because I was exhausted.

Whenever I'm really stressed out, I get this pain in my lower abdomen that doesn't go away and it feels like some sort of lump. Well, yesterday I had a panic attack and then the lower abdomen pain started acting up again. I was in tears, so I had to go to the ER. They gave me some meds, and then they recommended that I see a therapist or someone to help me control the stress that I've been dealing with since I was like, 8 years old.

The hospital gave me a doctors note for both jobs, and while my retail job was more understanding, my overnight job was not; they wanted me to fax them the doctor's note, and it will be their decision whether they want me to come back or not. It was a bit shocking for me to hear that, only because I had never heard that in real life before. I was about 2 seconds away from telling them that I wouldn't be coming back because I couldn't handle the workload, but I felt like a quitter; so far I've quit a daycare job because of the treatment of the employees and the kids, and now I would probably be leaving a job I've only been on for 3 weeks, HELL I almost quit high school before I found out that I actually had potential, but that was a long time ago.

 Am I weak? does this make me a quitter? I would have no problem if I were to just have the one job, but since I didn't know whether I was permanent or not, I kept both jobs and almost killed myself in the process. I don't know anything. I just missed my life. I missed coming home at night to be able to take a bath and surf the net. I missed food, free time, VIDEO GAMES! I missed it all. I am happy to have my life back, but my self esteem has just plummeted to the ground.

Eyebrows.

(I've been so tired lately that this is the only thing I've been thinking about besides I'm so tired)
My entire life, I have been a victim of thick eyebrows. My eyebrows are genetically so thick that it's close to uni-brow status. When I was about 12 years old, I got my eyebrows shaped, and from then on I always cut them. One time when I was 16, I got a little carried away, and I cut them too thin. I figured that I can let my eyebrows grow out, then get them threaded, and just keep them up myself. For the record, I'm never getting my eyebrows threaded again. The lady who threaded my eyebrows ended up making me look furious, so I just shaped them.

My eyebrows have always given me a hard time, especially since eyebrows actually can drastically alter the look of someone's face. I had always been very insecure about my eyebrows and I always wondered why I had to have caterpillars above my eyes.

After growing my eyebrows out for about a month, I went to get my eyebrows waxed on thursday. The lady who did my waxing suggested that she just shape them so that they wouldn't be pencil thin and abnormal looking. I love the way she did them, and now it's easier for me to maintain them.

I've decided to leave my eyebrows thick. Why? because apparently thick eyebrows are a growing trend that I, unbeknownst to myself, have been following my entire life.

It's kinda like if someone was born with six fingers and all of a sudden having more than 5 fingers are in style. Makes me feel a hell of a lot less insecure!

Living Off Monster Energy Drinks And Daft Punk Radio.

Here is a quick recap of how working this new job has been. Tiring.

I will admit though, it is a step up from where I was working previously.

I drink a monster energy drink 3 hours prior to going to work, then I listen to daft punk radio on Jango (which is 1000000000 better than pandora radio) because it gets me hype, makes me go WHOO! and raises my confidence in my job.

A lot of times on the job, people complain about standing for too long and doing too much stuff, and I'm like HELLO it's a JOB. Where you WORK.

Sometimes, it looks as if the supervisor is pissed off, like the new people aren't really doing what they are supposed to, like I literally see the expression on their faces and it looks like they're thinking "What the fuck did I get myself into?". Lots of people don't think they can last because of the hours and the amount of work, but I practically prayed for this job, prayed to get the hell out of retail because if there is one thing that I suck at, it's making people happy. I can piss someone off, I can offend people, but making people happy is not my forte'.

Anywhoo, because I really want to stay, I think I try too hard to bust my ass and do a good job. I have gotten lots of praise and approval, but I don't know if that's enough. Sometimes I feel as if I'm trying so hard to do a good job I come off as a golden retriever; "please, please, I'm a good dog, I can do things, HONEST!!" Other times I think this is a test, because we will be trained for 5 mins and expect to know everything there is to know about everything, then someone will tell us to do something different than we were originally taught. I really do hope that this is just a test, because this job is tiring, but I need to move on with my life, not backtrack it.

Night Shift.

I got this job working the night shift at a laboratory. It is supposed to only last me six weeks but if you do a really good job they wont let you go.

What I will be doing is taking chemicals and testing them, I am constantly on my feet and moving around, which is perfect considering that it's night shift and I'm never really asleep at night anyway. There's about 6 of us newbs training at once.

Monday night was death. We were doing paperwork, watching videos, just sitting and doing nothing the entire time. The amount of information we had to retain was horrendous, I was so overwhelmed I was pretty sure that I wasn't gonna be able to do any of the work they ask me. When I got home I immediately had to go to bed because my other job started at 3 in the afternoon until 9 at night.

Tonight was better- we were actually training to do our jobs, and while it was no problem, we had the option to leave early because our training was done, BUT we wouldn't be making up the time we left, I was hesitant on leave but dammit I was carpooled there so I had no choice but to go.

So here I am, 5:48 in the morning restless, seeing a tiny glimpse of hope in my otherwise melacholia...for now. My other job is still irritating the shit out of me even more.

Why The Sims 3 Is Still Pissing Me Off.

I thought I was over this, but I can't take it, it's like the game developers decided to make people's lives difficult with this game.

I enjoyed the Sims 2 because of the freedom. I could edit my own terrain, make my own custom content, easily download hair, skin, houses, ANYTHING even weather. The characters had memories, the graphics were more beautiful and everything looked more realistic.

In the sims 3...In The Sims 3, You Don't Play Game, Game Plays YOU!

When I first played the sims 3, I was really baffled by a lack of creative outlet in this game. All of the sims look alike and are UGLY, there are no memories, only moodlets (stupid), you can't create neighborhoods, stores or anything. In the sims 3, you could go to the store with your sims and go bowling and everything. In the sims 3, the buildings are called rabbit holes, where you send a sim inside and they disappear. So what's the point of the actual game? controlling their lives, right? Well that's all you'll be able to do is control their lives, but you don't actually have control over their lives, because on story mode, the same house you made 5 minutes ago now has 2 children without your consent! So if there is story mode, what is the point of the actual player? Just leave your computer running and you'll automatically have 3 new generations of sims. 

I don't mind the non-loading screens and the walking around town, it's fantastic, but I can't even see my sim get inside the damn car or on the damn bike. The game developers spent so much money on the sunset and the beach that they cant afford simple animations like getting on a bike.

Another thing that pisses me off is game updates. In order for me to install the custom content to make the game look better I have to update the game which takes FOREVER. And I know that there is expansion packs but everything is 30 damn dollars and EA is not taking my hard earned money right now.

I thought about re-installing the sims 2, I miss creating everything, I really felt like God while playing the sims 2, I was a master of my own make believe, I created everything from northeastern towns to beach towns to Feudal Japanese villages and even ancient Greece! If you like just watching things happen without any control then the sims 3 is the game for you, but if you like to create your own things and watch them come alive then the sims 3 is not the game for you.

Assassins Creed 3 Sneek Peek Review

I am sooooo stoked for Assassins Creed to be coming out in October. At E3 they showed previews of different elements of gameplay.

Assassins Creed Frontier Gamplay

This preview of the game shows Connor hunting a deer, selling the meat, talking to a guy about an assassination target, and getting to the base to murk him. I'm excited about this new part of the game, I might look forward to just playing in the woods instead of the actual cities. The scenery is wonderful, it reminds me of walking through Skyrim. For the first time I see an actual cutscene and hear Connor talk, and no one has an accent, which is unfamiliar in an AC game.

 Assassins Creed Naval Gameplay

One thing I know for sure is that I am going to fail this boat mission badly. For some reason this part of the game is in the carribbean and all of a sudden 2 British ships show up. You bomb one ship and it sinks, while you invade the next ship with your weapons drawn. 

Assassins Creed Boston Gameplay

Beantown looks so beautiful in this game. The developer man said that they have added new dynamic weather systems, like the weather will change, the seasons will change, it's very interesting to see. The crowd dynamics in AC games are always up to par as you hear their reactions while you climb buildings, there's even this freed slave lady I think telling you about the British and in that above screenshot she's yelling "hey redcoats, why don't you put yourself back across the pond!" so she can get his attention, while Connor assassinates him.

That's America.

I am so stoked to be playing this game and even more stoked to already have my pre-ordered copy at gamestop. TeeHee.

Fashion Trends That I Don't Understand.

There are some fashion trends I love, some I hate, some that I'm just now embracing, and some that I don't understand. Well, theses are the ones I don't understand.

1. Maxi Skirts

A few years ago, I was a bridesmaid at my sisters' wedding. We had to wear these long black dresses and while everyone else looked normal, I looked longer and thinner than I really am, and people kept commenting on how tiny I was which pissed me off to oblivion.

I don't mind the hippy revival, in fact I was all into it at one point, but I am just not fond of long skirts- especially not on my tree-like figure. All I would have to do is wear a green maxi skirt, paint myself green, and get green liberty spikes and wham-o, I am now the statue of liberty.

2. Crop Tops

It's summertime in Georgia, and that means it's hot. So hot weather means summer clothing right? Not for everyone. I know that despite someone's body type they have to keep cool, but lets just say that not everything is flattering on everyone, there's just some parts of your body we don't want to see; in addition to being hot we don't want to be nauseous too.

I don't mind a crop top with a shirt on under it, but I wont be caught dead in a crop top, I just don't think it's appropriate to be wearing to wal-mart ffs. Every time I see a crop top I just picture those girls in the rap videos dancing next to a car parked by a pool or something like that, but I guess it's cute depending on how you wear it and how short it is. I guess IDK..

3. Neon Lipstick

Pink and purple and red is one thing, but green and yellow and all these other colors are just strange. I'm not sure I could pull this off because my lips are big enough, I don't want them to stand out any more, plus having blue lips brings back childhood memories of eating candy before school and walking around with blue lips for an hour. Like I said before, this is one of those trends that look good depending on how you wear it, mainly on BBC radio host Gemma Carney who is full of cool BTW.

4. Creepers

Legend has it that they were originally worn by WWII servicemen. When the servicemen would go to England, the English people caught onto the who idea or them or something like that. This trend is actually growing on me, I actually think it's pretty cute when worn the right way, but for me it would be really out of character to wear them. Whenever I see them, I think Tim Burton movie for some reason, they're just so silly and Willy Wonka-like. I haven't embraced them quite well, and I most likely wont be getting a pair any time soon, but they sure do beat those other shoes they used to sell at hot topic.

5. Feather Accessories

Feather earrings, necklaces, hair extentions, etc are a part of a collection I like to call "Native American Remorse Tribute". I think that people are so guilty of the treatment of Native Americans that they decide to use all of their trends and re-surface them, along with UGG boots and fringe stuff. I used to like this stuff when I lived in Arizona and it was everywhere, but now it's kind of played out, especially since Ke$ha got her hands on it.

6. Lace Clothing

 

 

I have no choice to embrace this trend since it's EVERYWHERE, but what's the deal? Madonna isn't wearing it, this isn't the Victorian era, why all the lace? Are we goth?

I'm pretty sure that there are more trends out there that are crossing over from "dislike" to "don't understand", but these are them for now. I'm scared to see what the future holds, and it looks like it's holding translucent nails.