This Is Stupid.

This is a rant on something very dumb. But it's how I feel right now and I'm not sure what to do about it.

So after 2 years of going through financial aid hell, I get a chance to actually attend a real life college. And while I am extremely grateful, this is not the school I wanted to go to, its sort of this lame community college that is now a 4 year university but the name suggests would make one believe it is a community college, and while I have nothing against community college, this new 4 year university or whatever is only my school of choice because I wanted to move into a dorm room, and my financial aid will not finance this room....in fact no one's financial aid will pay for this room. For an example: the federal pell grant gives each student $5500. An off campus student can take the maximum credit hours for both semesters and still get a college refund check in the end. An on-campus student with the pell grant, however, will not even be able to take classes because all of the money will have to go towards a dorm room, and the rooms are so much money that to take classes and have a room will cost roughly around $9000 per semester which would be an estimated $18,000 for the whole year! Whoever in the hell can afford this wont even be attending school, they'll be attending the good schools like UGA or Georgia Tech or Oglethorpe University, which was my dream school as a child, but I slacked off in High School for 2 years so getting into any of these is a negative.

Another thing that annoys me is the orientation, required for all new students, will be from 7:30am to 6:00pm. What the fuck are we doing for 10 hours? touring the new lunar-based classrooms on the moon? There will be meals provided....don't care. And as if these orientations aren't bad enough, I have to be there with other people. Now, not a lot of people know me very well, but the ones that do know enough that I don't mix well with other people, especially the ones in my age group.

I always thought that the better the college, the better the job opportunities afterwards, and one of my biggest fears that I face every day is failure. I don't want to work retail for the rest of my life until retirement because if that's the case I will never have enough to support myself and retire. The only reason why I am trying to go is because after the horrible bad summer of 2010, I'm still trying to rebuild my life, and I've come too far to turn back, (and also they've added a new video gaming development course) but my determination is falling and falling and things that I once wanted to do and loved to do I can't enjoy anymore. Like literally, today in the middle of work, I really just stood there for a moment and contemplated. Not only am I wondering if I should continue or not, but I'm starting to think I'm stupid and will end up flunking anyway (thats why I slacked off those 2 years of high school, because I started to think I was dumb)

And it sucks. The fact is that I can get into a college. I have several times. But I could not pay for them because FAFSA is a joke. And now that I finally finally finally have a chance, I know deep down in my heart and soul that this is not the college I wanted to go to. I wanted to go to a college with sororities and fraternities and student life and stereotypical stuff, not a wannabe school with this...stuff going on. And only like 6 fields of study to choose from WTF?

I'm an ungrateful bitch.

Killing Me Softly

I am a certified quitter.

So I haven't had time to do anything lately; working every day from 10pm to 6:30am and having to go to my original job in the afternoon was killing me: I was/am putting in more than 60 hours a week, and it almost killed me.

See, the reason I had taken this new job was because I wanted to leave my retail job behind for something better. I needed a car before school started in August, and I just wanted a better lifestyle. Unfortunately, I was just a six week filler for someone on maternity leave, and the position "may or may not be temporary". See, I need more information than that - it's just not reliable. So as a backup plan, I kept my old job while working at this new job, and if they decided to keep me after the six weeks were up, I could quit my retail job.

But it started to take a toll on my body; Monday night I had almost passed out at work, causing them to send me to the break room. I hadn't had time to even eat lately, I haven't had time to sleep, I even missed my mom. What's even worse is that I work EVERY DAY, and when I'm off from the retail job, I still sleep allllll day because I was exhausted.

Whenever I'm really stressed out, I get this pain in my lower abdomen that doesn't go away and it feels like some sort of lump. Well, yesterday I had a panic attack and then the lower abdomen pain started acting up again. I was in tears, so I had to go to the ER. They gave me some meds, and then they recommended that I see a therapist or someone to help me control the stress that I've been dealing with since I was like, 8 years old.

The hospital gave me a doctors note for both jobs, and while my retail job was more understanding, my overnight job was not; they wanted me to fax them the doctor's note, and it will be their decision whether they want me to come back or not. It was a bit shocking for me to hear that, only because I had never heard that in real life before. I was about 2 seconds away from telling them that I wouldn't be coming back because I couldn't handle the workload, but I felt like a quitter; so far I've quit a daycare job because of the treatment of the employees and the kids, and now I would probably be leaving a job I've only been on for 3 weeks, HELL I almost quit high school before I found out that I actually had potential, but that was a long time ago.

 Am I weak? does this make me a quitter? I would have no problem if I were to just have the one job, but since I didn't know whether I was permanent or not, I kept both jobs and almost killed myself in the process. I don't know anything. I just missed my life. I missed coming home at night to be able to take a bath and surf the net. I missed food, free time, VIDEO GAMES! I missed it all. I am happy to have my life back, but my self esteem has just plummeted to the ground.

Why The Sims 3 Is Still Pissing Me Off.

I thought I was over this, but I can't take it, it's like the game developers decided to make people's lives difficult with this game.

I enjoyed the Sims 2 because of the freedom. I could edit my own terrain, make my own custom content, easily download hair, skin, houses, ANYTHING even weather. The characters had memories, the graphics were more beautiful and everything looked more realistic.

In the sims 3...In The Sims 3, You Don't Play Game, Game Plays YOU!

When I first played the sims 3, I was really baffled by a lack of creative outlet in this game. All of the sims look alike and are UGLY, there are no memories, only moodlets (stupid), you can't create neighborhoods, stores or anything. In the sims 3, you could go to the store with your sims and go bowling and everything. In the sims 3, the buildings are called rabbit holes, where you send a sim inside and they disappear. So what's the point of the actual game? controlling their lives, right? Well that's all you'll be able to do is control their lives, but you don't actually have control over their lives, because on story mode, the same house you made 5 minutes ago now has 2 children without your consent! So if there is story mode, what is the point of the actual player? Just leave your computer running and you'll automatically have 3 new generations of sims. 

I don't mind the non-loading screens and the walking around town, it's fantastic, but I can't even see my sim get inside the damn car or on the damn bike. The game developers spent so much money on the sunset and the beach that they cant afford simple animations like getting on a bike.

Another thing that pisses me off is game updates. In order for me to install the custom content to make the game look better I have to update the game which takes FOREVER. And I know that there is expansion packs but everything is 30 damn dollars and EA is not taking my hard earned money right now.

I thought about re-installing the sims 2, I miss creating everything, I really felt like God while playing the sims 2, I was a master of my own make believe, I created everything from northeastern towns to beach towns to Feudal Japanese villages and even ancient Greece! If you like just watching things happen without any control then the sims 3 is the game for you, but if you like to create your own things and watch them come alive then the sims 3 is not the game for you.

Boys.

I like boys. Ok?

I am straight. I only like guys.

Unfortunately many people fail to realize it. Due to my non-existent love life I come off as a "confused" individual to some. My mom will even do this thing where she sees a guy on t.v. and goes "he's good looking..don't you think so?" like she's trying to get a certain response out of me, and for those who want to know, I just go,"mmmmmm"

I do have a boyish side, but again, that's because I have always been one of the guys, so I picked up some of their mannerisms that I use to this day, i.e. the overusage of the word "DUUUUUUUUDE!"

I don't really take myself too seriously; I never really put much effort into my appearance, I don't wear makeup, I'm just really low maintinence. The reason why I'm this way is because I used to put lots of effort into my appearance to appear attractive, and I thought that being attractive would make me happier with who I was. Once I turned 16, I had gotten the hint that no guys would like me no matter what, so I started to dress up how I wanted to dress and what would make me comfortable. My mom gets on me about this all the time, going "you're a young lady, you need to take care of yourself more" but the whole point of me doing what I do is because I knew that no one was looking at me.

I am literally invisible to guys, and because of my lack of love life, I just think it would be incredibly awkward for someone outside my family to tell me that they love me, I don't even like giving hugs for christ sakes.

But I've just never been the obvious type to show my attraction towards certain guys. I wasn't all loud and obnoxious like the rest of the girls were when they'd go "OMG HE'S SOOOO HAWT DFJSKDFJDNSFSNFD,NSFS,D!!!!!!!!!" I like guys too, I just don't show enough emotion to make it known.

Worst And Best Case Scenario

Out of boredom, here is a random list of best and worst case scenarios and what I'd do.

What would you do if....

- The world ends in December 2012

I will party like no other, then take a large sleeping pill so I can't feel the effects

- Zombies start to roam the Earth

Find out whats spawning the zombies so I can become one myself, can't beat em, join em!

- You get fired from your job

Get some rest, then find another one.

- You (somehow) wake up one morning and find out you're pregnant

depends. I'd most likely put it up for adoption. Not ready for kids yet.

- Your body catches on fire, you survive, but you suffer from bad burns

live with it. I already know what it's like to be insecure, so...

- A riot breaks out in the city

head to Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, and pick out the most kick ass stuff.

-  You get stranded on a deserted island

Fish for food, build a house, write help on the sand, then die of isolation.

- You find love in a hopeless place

I don't know

- You hit the lottery for a million dollars

Put it all into my savings account, pay for college, get a car, a place to live, and still keep my job (I have a huge fear of running out of money)

-  You have any superpower in the world you want

Invisibility. Oh wait...I already have that.

- You could change everything about your body without plastic surgery

Don't get me started...

- You get your dream job, you rock at it, and you have really good pay

move to the best place for me, and start a good life. Plus I'd make it a priority to go to E3 and ComicCon every year.

- You had a lifetime supply of your favorite snack 

FUCK YEAH! Strawberry cheesecake and Peach cobbler flavored ice cream? PSSHH 

..Maybe Now Is A Good Time To Bring Up My Social Phobia?

Yeah this is a really bad time.

I have somehow been working in customer service for a little over a year now, and I'm extremely confused. I am clearly awful at my job, and I can't help it if I am socially retarded, but I am required to TALK to people using words and my mouth. EEK.

It shouldn't be so bad, but for me it is; let me explain...

Growing up, I was the youngest, so I was basically I was alone. I did have childhood friends, but they did this thing called "have more than one friend" which was unheard of in my world at the time. I was always teased at school for whatever reasons, so I kind of isolated myself from people even more. Nowandays, I'm trying to break myself away from my antisocial personality, but things that bring other people joy don't make me happy, and I'm not a cheery person.

So being on a job where you have to TALK to people using words and your mouth is kind of difficult to someone who has purposely been avoiding strangers for majority of their lives, especially when you are working in one of the most people-oriented fields out there: customer service.

Here's what we're supposed to do:

Greet people nicely, explain the promotion, suggest additional items to add to their selection, talk to them a bit to coax persuade them to buy more (however that helps).

Here's what I do:

Greet people in what I consider a nice tone, but my voice is naturally kind of monotoned (another result of prolonged isolation), explain the promo to the people who can't read the signs, suggest items to people when they ask for it, leave them alone because I have other things to do. Check on them when they need to be checked on. 

I try to be more open and more people oriented, but when all you really want to do is be left alone, it's kind of difficult. It's really stupid of me to say for people to leave me alone on a customer service job, where your main job revolves around customers, but I'm just so damn awkward that I can never persuade people to do anything or brighten anyone's day, I've never 

been THAT person; the one who is always smiling front and center, I'm the kid in the back of the class that draws pictures of invader zim, and it's who I'm meant to be.

Party Like It's 1932

I quit my 2nd job.

I couldn't take it anymore - the stress, the racing back town to my other job, the ridiculous treatment of the employees, it was extremely stressful and tiring. So I left it.

However, now that I have left that job, there have been severe budget cuts in my life; I have to cut back on online ordering, even if shipping is just 2 dollars. I haven't had to use my card since taking the job, but I still have to save up for a car before school starts.

It's kind of pathetic, but I can't do much - I have to buy extremely cheaply or I can't buy anything, I have to cut back on the 99 cent nail polish, just stop the spending for a while, even though I'm not a HUGE spender, I can't really buy things anymore, even if I need them.

So I do feel broke, I feel like I have no money (even though I have a nice sum in my bank account) again, I'm saving it for my car, until then, things will have to be done cheaply and frugal-ly, almost as if I'm one of those crazy doomsday preppers or like the stock market just crashed and I'm trying to make ends meet. Either way, something has got to be done; something has got to give.

A Whole World Of No.

That is my hair that I'm talking about.

A few weeks ago I got my hair cut. It was excellent and it only took a few minutes. Once I got home I altered it a bit and it looked better. Whenever I go to hair salons to get my hair done, I show them the style I want, which was this:

Perfect, yes? ok, unfortunately for me, whenever I go to the salon, the stylist always gives me a half- assed response like "well, your hair is a little thicker and shorter in the area where it needs to be longer and ljgdfjgiofdjgbldfjblgfb......" as if my hair is an unruly toddler that the teacher cannot disipline. Right then...so after I left the salon, instead of having hair that looked like that above, my hair looked more like this down below:

Fair enough, and for a few days I did feel good about myself for a while, but then something happened. See, I have hair so thick that it's actually scary, and when I WASH my hair, it just takes on a life of it's own. Being that I have 2 jobs back-to-back, I don't have time to style my hair anymore, and when I wake up my hair looks like this:

What had happened here was, my hair had such a good time at the renaissance festival, that it decided to travel back in time and shape itself into the hairstyle of a friar boy. This is not at all the look I was going for. But it gets worse....because I believe that instead of growing downwards, my hair grows outward and instead of a human being I feel like a fucking anime character. To fully understand what I'm talking about, this picture below is my interpretation of what my hair looks and feels like:

.............................Did I do something to deserve this?


So after deciding for a while, I was gonna go ahead and get my hair cut some more, and I want it cut in a way where I still have my chin length bangs- kind of like a Victoria Beckham haircut thingy.

But I have to find a salon. I have no salon to go to. The salon I went to before is rude, overcrowded, and ghetto. I have a problem with small business salons: I don't want to hear a bunch of loud talking, gossiping, and pausing to talk every second, just do my fucking hair! And the part that pisses me off is that I kept getting the question "you don't want any curls or flips? just straight?" NO! just do it the way I say to do it! I have the picture of the haircut just cut my hair please!

I think my problem is my face. When I see a haircut on someone else it's so pretty, but on me the haircut looks strange and alien-ish. Just for once in my life I would like to be satisfied with the way that I look, because apparently Im having an extremely hard time feeling comfortable with the way I look, and I'm afraid that if I get the haircut I want that it's going to look weird on me, and I'm literally 10 seconds away from pulling a Deb from Empire Records and shaving off my hair, and showing up to work to hear my manager say shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior when in reality I just want it all gone, and I'd do it too if it didn't make me look like a dude (my face can't handle makeup) soooooo....I'm at a bit of a loss here.  I don't know when I'm gonna have time to even go to a salon, but I am about to just butcher it myself and call it a day, that's for sure.

I am no one's babysitter.

I am no one's babysitter, therapist, nanny, or anything that requires me to take care of them or "be there" for them.

I've never really been sympathetic or the type of person that lets someone cry on their shoulders. hell I cringe when people try to lean in for a hug or someone puts their arm around my shoulder - it's too weird.

I hate it when people have a problem and expect you to be like "ohhhh what's wrong", but the only problem is I never really care whats wrong, I mean, I can't by any means solve your problem. I can give you some advice and hope for the best but I don't have God-like powers that activate whenever there's a problem, for fuck's sake I can't even solve my own damn problems let alone someone else's.

And it's not like I've TRIED to be that really nice, sympathetic person who will let you cry on their shoulder, but it's not me; and that was back when I was trying to get people to like me. Here's what I've learned: you either like me or you don't, I'm not gonna be someone I'm not based on other people's approval, and while I'm not gonna be a total bitch I'm not exactly Snow White either, you get what you get.

Anyway, I am under a lot of stress; things are pissing me off, I can't get decent rest, I don't have a car and school starts in August. School? what school? I don't have any money for school right now and I guess that I'm gonna have to take out a loan that I will never to infinity and beyond be able to pay back. Oh scholarships? pshhhhh due to my 2 years of slacking off in high school I am deemed too stupid for a scholarship. I don't want to work retail for the rest of my life and while I'm not DEPRESSED or anything, I do feel pathetic. But fortunately for me, I've done so much self-pitying in the past that I'm tapped out of complain-juice and while it's hard to ENJOY life, I've had no choice but to accept it. That's just the way it is, and it's just the way I am, I don't have to go through anything.

But when someone tries to vent ALL of their problems to me and get upset when I don't do anything to help them, it's just immature. It's like that 5 year old kid crying for attention. If you have a problem, find a therapist, keep a diary (or a BLOG ) write your shit down, or even more importantly, find someone who cares and will "awww" and baby you to death.

There's Nothing Back There.

"Stop looking back - there's nothing back there for you"

That's a quote I heard on CurlyNikki.com a while back. It was about a woman talking about accepting her new life and her future with her family. A lot of times I try to tell myself that looking back into the past will not help me, but thanks to my brain (which produces a lot of dreams based on repressed memories of mine) sometimes I can't help but wonder what if some things had been different?

I work with a girl who is about to graduate from high school, and while I can't help but feel happiness for her, it makes me reflect on who I was when I was her age.

In 2006 I had entered high school with high hopes and aspirations; I was gonna be a radio personality, I knew exactly what college I wanted to go to, where I wanted to live, I knew exactly what I wanted my life to be like. I was making all A's in everything, I had potential. As I worked hard for my future, I was highly dissatisfied with my present life, I was lonely, I felt like I was watching a house party from the outside = everyone having fun, getting into relationships, y'know, things I had never experienced. By the time my sophmore year had started I didn't want to be a radio personality anymore - it seemed like everyone in my family was more into my future than I was, so I changed my mind and afterwards I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I slacked off, stopped caring, focused on my present life.

This pattern lasted from the beginning of my sophmore year to the end of the first semester of my junior year; I was actually having fun and looking forward to going to school every day. But my grades started to suffer horribly: my GPA fell from 3.0 to a 2.6 and I didn't care because I thought that for once I should focus on me and making myself happy.

By the time senior year arrived I was a burnout -  I had stopped trying to be friends with everyone and started to carry around a "fuck it" mentality. I missed school a lot, slacked off, why? because I didn't care - I didn't know what I was doing after high school and even if I did I was too dumb to really follow up on it. It wasn't until 3 months prior to graduation did I realize that I too, could go to college, and would you believe it, my grades revived themselves. Sadly, it wasn't enough to carrry my GPA along from 2 years of slack.

Basically these past few weeks I have been really confused about things. I have been thinking about people I used to know and love, things I did, things I wore (haha clearly) and what if things had been different? Lately I've been feeling nothing but guilt and regret not because of what I did, but who I tried to be. I tried to be someone else in the past- I had many personalities and If I had just been myself and stopped trying to fit in and care what everyone else had thought about me then maybe I would've came out alright, but it's all my fault; I am the way I am because I've never been happy with myself whatsoever.

I'm not sure what to do right now. It's always been hard for me to keep looking forward because I can't come to terms with my past.

My Top 5 Most Underrated and Overrated Movies

These are in my opinion from what I've see the top 5 most underrated and overrated movies..(no particular order)

Underrated

1.) Cyrus

 This movie is really good. It's just real in the fact that there's not much background music or film score. Its about a miserable, divorced man who meets a woman with a 20-something year old son, with whom she shares a "mommy's boy" relationship with. Cyrus (played by Jonah Hill) is overprotective of his mom in a way that a mom German Shepard is protective of her puppies.

2.) The Wackness

 I think this movie is mad dope, yo. Set in the summer of '94 in NYC, it's about this kid who just graduated from high school, yo, and he's trying find his place in the world over the summer, even if it is just with his pothead therapist, his stepdaughter, and all the other crazy fools, yo. Oh yeah, it's got a bangin' ass soundtrack too, yo, and they say the word "yo" a lot, yo.

3.) Whip it

 Ellen Page does a really good job at playing the alternative teenager, but I gotta say I like this movie more than Juno. It's about this teen who really has nothing better to do, and is not good at anything, so she tries out for roller derby, eventually becoming one of the best at it. And she's trying to hid the hobby from her extremely moralistic mother. Also she meets a band member, and the best part of the movie is the fact that Drew Barrymore is in it as a young roller derby girl and the main girl doesn't get the guy in the end! Yay! misery loves company!!

4.) Date Night

 This movie is hilarious in all sorts of ways. Steve Carell and Tina Fey are awesome in this movie because they're both funny, so the natural chemistry is just awesome. Plus the plot about a date night gone wrong and how many things can happen throughout the night is good too, since everything is so unexpected, seeing Steve and Tina's reaction to everything is HILARIOUS!

5.) Marie Antoinette

This is one of my favorite movies of all time, mainly because of the colors, the deserts, and the fact that it's so cross genre; normally in a historical movie they try to be more authentic. Not in this one, instead of the normal baroque music of the time being used as the film score, this film uses post-punk and new wave during significant moments in the movie. Sneaking out to a French masquerade ball where everyone's dancing to Siouxie and the Banshees?! Sofia Coppola, you are a badass for this one.

Bonus***Georgia Rule

Just because it was made during Lindsay Lohan's decline doesn't mean it wasn't good! The movie was really good if you could follow the storyline; a lot of broken hearts, family secrets coming to air and...

Lookie who we have here..

 Garrett Hedlund Pre-Flynn!!! ^ ^

Overrated

1.) Titanic

I'm sorry, but all this hype about the Titanic is more obnoxious than the British royal wedding hooplah. I'm not one for love stories anyway, but seriously? The ending was kind of expected knowing that even the owner and wife of Macy's died during the events of the Titanic. Tragedy? yes, but it was very sappy.

2.) Twilight Series

I tried to watch this movie when it first came out and the thing about it, is that it's so BORING. And that Cullen kid is not even hot. Robert Pattinson is good looking, but they have so much cake-up on him that he looks like someone that should be on Intervention instead. Plus whats with all of the fucking loud breathing and Bella being miserable. Also, why is Jacob still chasing after her? I hate it when guys don't get the message.

3.) Eat, Pray, Love

So the next time I need to change my life I'm just gonna hop a plane and travel the world, is that the point, then?

4.) Any Star Wars Movie

I apologize to my fellow nerds, but no. This movie is so confusing; it's like having a dictionary that posts the alphabet like this: MLPNKOBJIVHUCGYXFTZDRZSRWAQ. 

5.) Any movie about a superhero that was created for comic books in the 40's

....I rest my case.

But I am STILL campaining for that Aquaman movie. He doesn't have to be underwater ALL the time!

SICK SICK SICK part 2

I am actually getting better now.

But earlier this week was utter torture. At my morning job I actually was trying to hide the fact that I was sick because I didn't want Linda saying anything to me about being sick around the kids, but she didn't mind, and the next thing I knew I was asleep in her tv room.

I had to call out sick on thursday and come in late on friday, which shortened my hours horrifically,  but I am getting better now, and I have a day off both jobs on Monday.

Sex Scenes With Parents

This just downright infuriates me.

So since I'm the youngest, I'm technically still considered "the baby". Whenever I do something, people automatically assume that I am incapable of achieving something myself, and they run to do it as if I have spilled something all over the counter, doing what I like to called the "oh lemme help you with that, sweetie"

So whenever possible, I try to remind them that I am over 18 and I now have the mental capacity of a young adult.

I am waiting for this new TV show on the STARZ network to premiere called "Magic City", which takes place in the late 1950's/early 60's in Miami, and it's about this hotel owner and his family, also about the changing times and his family's mob ties.

SO obviously this is gonna include a LOT of sex, right? well I had mentioned the show to my mom, because let's be honest I'm gonna watch it, she just needs to know. Well, I start telling her about the show and how stoked I am. Almost right on cue, she channel surfs and this television network is showing a preview of the first episode; which is in the middle of a woman taking her clothes off, and I'm like "great". My mom goes "is THIS what you've been watching?" and I repeat myself FFS that the show has not premiered yet and I guess this is a preview episode..

So I'm old enough to the point where these scenes don't phase me, I don't go "EWWWW" or get scared or anything like that, I just carry on a regular conversation. So the show actually gets interesting from there, but now she's gonna want to watch the show.

Theres a lot of nudity and sex in this show and I'm just waiting for the day that she tells me "UH UH YOU CAN'T WATCH THIS"


....and that's when I throw a fit, because I'm not a baby anymore. It pisses me off, and hell will be raised if there is an issue.

Sick Sick Sick

I've been sick for going on 2 weeks now, and I don't even know if I got it at work or it evolved from pollencalypse 2012, but it's not showing signs of getting better, it's just getting WORSE.

At first it was a test to my ego; I have this mindstate when it comes to sickness and allergies, when someone constantly takes medicine and complains about "oh my sinuses are KILLING ME" I always hear my inner posh kid saying "mhhahaha it never happens to me" but alas, it does.

At first it was just nose running, then my eyes started to burn. I would take allergy medicine and expect it to be over, but this was just the beginning. I also started to sneeze constantly.

Pretty soon, the eye burning started to go away, but then I started to cough. Once I started to cough it was obvious that this was not allergies, oh no sir, this was your common cold. So after spending my hard earned cash on several types of medication, I am at a loss; now I have a very irritated throat. The worst part is that now I also work at a daycare center, and walking around with a SARS mask is not a good look for me, especially around 4 year olds who are probably having nightmares about the dentist at this point. No bueno.

Giddy AF

That. is. pathetic.

Since I've moved back home, I have been running (and avoiding) classmates and people that I went to school with, but I haven't really been hanging out with anyone. I have basically been an island this past year and a half and it seems like anyone I run into my brain goes into "holy shit another PERSON!" and goes all excited and desperate to tell them about my life. I mean, it's not like these people haven't been stand-offish towards me, but I register it as having a social life or something. For an example: one of my old friends came in today and wanted to return a pitiful gift she got, so I returned it and then proceeded to show her the new purse I bought (which is all types of fab) and then we got into a conversation about zebra print. SHAME. My brain bought it as hanging out. FAIL.

"Welcome To The Sims 3 Community"

I am currently rummaging through my emails when I saw an email from the moneysuckers themselves:

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Thank you for joining!

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Register your game now to receive $10 worth of FREE* SimPoints, a FREE** new town and full access to the community." Unless every single dollar spent on this franchise is gonna magically direct deposit itself back into my bank account, this is what I think of you and your precious sims games: ....................../´¯/) ....................,/¯../ .................../..../ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( ..............\.............\...

My Black Hair.

My hair is like one of those kids on "beyond scared straight, it acts out, and just when you think that it does whatever you want it to, it just has to do it's own thing.

I wash my hair every 2 weeks to prevent dandruff, but also not too much washing because my scalp is really oily and dry at times. I wash it, then I towel dry, and then I add the leave-in conditioner. I put my hair into 6 sections (because it's really thick) and then I blow dry each section with a hard brush. I put oil on each section then I flat iron. I wrap with hair mosse and hairspray...HAIRSPRAY IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND. Hairspray is the shit that straightens it out, hairspray keeps it from frizzing.

Also, I haven't had a relaxer since october. The reason Im stretching my relaxer is because I don't see a major change in length when I relax my hair. Of course if I time-lapse it, then it would show changes, but I want my hair to be instantly longer when I relax it, so I figure if I wait until I have enough hair growth, then I will be able to see a drastic change in my hair. It's going on 16 weeks post relaxer now.

My life and the wackness

I can only imagine what other people are doing at my age:getting ready for class tomorrow, Partying,spnding time with loved ones, I cant help but look back on the wackness of my life Sometimes and realize that if I died only a handful of people would show up at my funeral, Knowing my luck, I'd probably wind up in purguratory or a ghost on earth who cant move on For anything. And its life that makes you realize this stuff, for instance, I cant go on facebook anymore Without seeing some status that reads "had a blast with (insert random name here) last night, Cant wait to hang out again" or some pathetic love poem dedicated to a significant other, or Even worse, the dredded tagged party pics, which always screams "this is the party that you Were not invited to. Look at the fun were having, and you aren't, YaY!"