Mecca Of Crazy Dreams: Icarus

You know how they say God or your subconscious sends you messages in your sleep? Well this dream really made me think.

This dream starts out as a 1970's movie starring Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby played a track star, who everyone loved and admired, until one day he broke his leg, forcing him to not be able to run anymore. He sat and loathed for days and days, and instead of trying, he gave up on himself. One day, out of his newfound boredom, he created a pair of wings, and decided to try and fly across the river to the other side of the city. At first he keeps crashing into the river, but then he gets support from the local community, and he keeps trying, eventually suceeding in flying and taking off across the river.

Then the dream switches to present day, and it was more like a remake, only this time, the lead character was female, and instead of being a track star, she decided to give up on life because she felt like she wasn't good enough, so inspired by the movie, she decides to make a pair of wings and fly across the river to the other side of the city. At first she keeps falling in the river, but once her family finds out what she's doing, they support her and she decides to keep trying to fly. One day, she sees a few people by the river hanging out, and decides to show off her new skills, at first she stumbles, but she succeeds in taking off in flight..across the river.


Now, I know this dream has something to do with what I said the other night. I proclaimed that this time if school didn't work out, I was giving up. I am really sick of trying and never getting anywhere, not knowing what to do. My family tells me not to give up, but honestly sometimes, not to sound loathe-y or anything but I have really run out of reasons to go on.

Quick Update.

This is a quick update of whats been going on lately.

Box Braids

After trying to figure out WTF to do with my damaged hair, I decided to just grow it back out while getting protective hairstyles. I was gonna get more chopped off, but that would've made the situation worse, then I decided to get a weave, but it would either look cheap or I couldn't put it in a bun, so I was either going to get micro or tree braids, which would've taken my entire hairline out. After much self-convincing and browsing on Google, I decided to get box braids because they were different. At first I thought they were ugly and too reminiscent of Janet Jackson's hair in Poetic Justice, but once I got them I got SOOO many more complements on my hair than before, and I think they are just tres belle ^ ^!

College

...Is pissing me off. School starts August 20th and I was almost prepared until they caught on to my 'I'll just take 2 classes since I have to work and everything will be ok!" scheme, because now I have to take 4 in order for my financial aid to fall through.

Job

OH THE BALLSACK THAT IS WORKING RETAIL. 

and not just retail, a major retail chain that is very popular. When it's not the customers that hate me, it's upper management being dickheads and not having faith in me, and before today we were shortstaffed, but our manager has managed to hire 3 more people so horrah.

Thumb

It seems like whenever I'm stressed out that's when I get hurt. On Tuesday I was walking into my job half asleep when I closed my car door on my thumb, and not just slammed my door on it, it closed and latched on my finger! I quickly examined my thumb and saw the blood rushing out of my finger all over both hands. Fortunately for me, I work next to a clinic, so I quickly rushed inside to get bandaged up, then get seen by the doctor, because I was in so much pain that I needed to make sure everything was ok (and to see if I needed to get any meds). So he decided to work on it. I received several Novocaine shots just to numb the pain as he drained the blood from under my fingernail which I cracked sideways BTW, and afterwards I couldn't work for 2 days because of the thumb pain and I cant really do much with my right hand. Now I know how it must have felt to be amputated in the 19th century with no anesthesia or anything.

Outlets

Because of my off the wall stress level, I need a hobby or at least a creative outlet to keep my mind occupied, so I have decided to re-install the sims 2 and have decided to make stories out of them. They will be uploaded onto my other blog that I made especially for these sims 2 stories called Pointless Stories

oh COME ON!

I am the most indecisive person on the face of the planet...but I have learned my lesson, from now on, since I am incapable of making good decisions on my own, I will just ask someone, or get a quote or reference or something.

My hair sucks. A few months ago..repeat: MONTHS AGO..I had gotten a Frankie Sanford style haircut. When I had gotten the haircut, I was all proud and it felt good to have short hair. A week later I realized that the haircut I had gotten didn't resemble the Frankie Sanford haircut that I had wanted, it more resemble the Skrillex haircut :S

So I kinda edited it, fast forward to now and it looks more like the haircut I wanted, but this time it looked like Victoria Beckham's old haircut, and when I keep it up, it actually looks like the original Frankie Sanford haircut I wanted.

Here's the problem. I really really really don't feel feminine at all now. I try to do whatever I can to make my hair look pretty but it doesn't. I used to dress like a tomboy sometimes, but at least I had nice, girl hair to back it up, and now I don't, I'd rather wear a hat everywhere than go out in public looking like this, and because I don't really like styling my hair, it looks like my haircut is a botched job..which it is because I did it, but you can't really TELL.

And the icing on the cake is.....it's been what, 4 months? my hair isn't growing back.

I'm not sure if it is a result of my failure to retain my hairstyle or my severely split ends or what, but sheesh, there is literally no record progress of my hair growing. Even when my hair was longer, it never really grew down, it grew out, and when it did grow down it just grew at an extremely slow pace. I can remember why I got my hair cut in the first place: it felt liberating, low maintenance, and kept me cooler in the hot Georgia weather, but so far all I've had is a hard time, evil stares from my grandmother, and plummeting self-esteem. I have learned my lesson, and my lesson is that all hairstyles are not fit for most people, if it looks good on them, it most likely probably definitely wont look good on me. I'm not sure what to do right now, but I have learned my lesson, and once my hair grows back..pshh if it EVER grows back, I will never get it cut again.

I'm Boycotting MTV. RANT ALERT

This just in; I am boycotting MTV, but instead of making picket signs and singing inspirational songs, I will just not watch it anymore (with the exception of True Life and That 70's Show).

This vendetta I have with MTV is personal, and should not be taken seriously, but this is just my view on why MTV sucks.

People say "oh..MTV is supposed to be music television, but there's no music". True, I mean that's like going to Chik-Fil-A and getting served all seafood items instead of chicken; I'm pretty sure it wouldn't hurt MTV to bring back a music show. They said that the main reason TRL was cancelled was because the verizon store, which was below the TRL studio, was a music store, and now since people are just getting music offline, the music store slowly but surely lost business, and that, in turn, caused the audience of TRL to slowly decrease.

NO.

If I remember correctly, TRL kept changing their time-slots. When I was younger, TRL was on every afternoon. By the time I got to middle school, the airing of TRL would be so early that all of my friends wouldn't be able to watch it. I'm guessing that the reason that TRL kept playing musical chairs with its timeslots is either because A) budget issues or B) to make way for more popular, crappy programming. I understand that music videos are still being played during 3rd shift, but who is really awake at that time besides me and a few other insomniacs, but we aren't watching music videos, we're either on the internet, watching pron, or both (I'll take on the internetz, for $500 Alex!). Now, I DO remember being a few shows that popped up here and there about music, the recent one being Hip Hop POV, but that show has 2 of the worst things a show could have: poor promotion and a poor time-slot. MTV2 is a terrible excuse for a channel BTW, it's basically MTV's excess waste runoff channel, it's the Roman sewer of television. Whats even worse is that it's the only place that shows music vids from years ago, as if anyone is gonna turn 250+ channels just to see old videos and Wild-N'-Out reruns.

Which brings me to my next subject. The VMAs. The VMAs were my favorite music awards show that I watched religiously every year..until 2010. I used to like the VMAs because they were cool, and spunky, and something ALWAYS happened every year, but it's gotten so predictable that you don't even need to look at re-caps to know what happened: Lady Gaga performs, Lady Gaga wins, Beyonce wins again and again and again, Katy Perry performs an upcoming single off of her album, Kanye West is snubbed, but due to tighter security and the fact that he's most likely on someone's song, it's ok. A random band performs, someone is flying over the audience on a tightrope, 2 girls kiss, obvious camera pan of audience. 

Don't get me wrong, it's OK to watch the VMAs, it's just that they have slowly morphed into every other awards show, and I don't want to watch it anymore.

Which brings me to SHOWS..ah this is the REAL reason why I don't want to watch MTV anymore. I'm guessing that this whole reality show ordeal started in the late 80's/early 90's, and I get the intent; these shows were aimed at it's target audience of teens and young adults, but that was BAMF generation X! everything they did on the real world was so controversal back then because it was new, but now we've got crappy reality shows that aren't important. What is the point of 16 and pregnant? I feel so bad for these girls..NOT, it's kinda embarassing if you ask me, imagine if your child was pregnant on TV for the nation to see and then everyone questioned your parenting skills. Teen Mom then takes a few of these 16 and pregnant girls and portray them as woe is me damsels in distress, but that's what happens people, you can ask any of the people I graduated high school with, they'll tell you. 

And then there is the train wreck that is Jersey Shore. When Jersey Shore first premiered, I LOVED that show, I mean it was so different because I had never really been aware of that guido/guidette lifestyle besides a few trips around wikipedia and a few EPs of True Life. It was RAW when it first came out. Fast forward to today, the cast members have made so much money off of this show (PSSSHH what financial crisis???) and have gotten so famous that whenever they go to the Jersey Shore they have more security protection than the president. I thought the whole format of reality shows were to change the cast every year, why are we still watching the same people? They're RICH FFS, hire another unknown cast and watch them fight, and now that we've gotten so many Jersey shows it's damn near bad stereotyping. The spin-offs are what really facepalm me, like Snooki & JWOWW. Instead of living with her fiance and the two preparing for Snooki's baby, she moves in with JWoww for a few months and things happen, and I even heard that Snooki will be returing to Jersey Shore? Can you say DEFAX?

I'm not gonna take shots at The Pauly D project, as boring as it is, it's the closest thing to a music show on TV, with Pauly being a DJ and such.

Alright, gloves off, who is the fucker at MTV that came up with these shows? One show I really hate is Awkward. If you're gonna have a show about someone being awkward, make them awkward, this chick in the show is pulling major tail all the way around, so the show SHOULD in fact be called Normal. Then there's I Just Want My Pants Back, which is basically a documentary on hipster living. Ridiculousness which is one of the most unnecessary shows on the face of the Earth. My life as an 80's movie ripoff Teen Wolf..I can't even...And the hard times of RJ Berger, which looks like it takes place in the same universe as Awkward, is OK, but they took the main situation of the show, which was RJ being a nerd with a large penis, and pratically ran the hell out of it's course, so now they have to find more things to happen to keep people interested.

MTV knows that these shows are bad, too. In addition to this self-realization, MTV has pissed me off in the WORST way of them all...taking my favorite shows that no one in my life know about, and remaking them! Skins...which thankfully was cancelled, was a travesty of recycled plotlines from the original British Skins show, and MTV really has done it, they are re-making The Inbetweeners! NOOOOOO WTF?! Why? that is one of my favorite UK shows, and I am without a doubt knowing that MTV will fuck it up badly.

I don't mean to offend anyone who loves MTV and all of it's, MTVness, but to put it lightly..it's full of shit, and what makes it worse it that they know they suck too; they try to redeem themselves but it always fails, and it ends up being a really crapshit tv show with only one or two seasons. Earlier this week, they decided for some reason, to air a Daria marathon, because they knew that they were sucking, so someone at headquarters went "we need our gen-x'er back!"..nice try MTV, even though I'm not a gen-x'er, I DO know what Daria is, and I have the box set DVD, so you, my friend, have failed. For future references, let TLC have the reality shows, let TeenNick and ABC family have their teenage wasteland programming, and bring back some actual musical television during reasonable hours so that people wont have to always rely on crappy internet stream to see their favorite artists and music videos. I want my MTV back!

Nero: Welcome Reality

In the year 2808...darkness looms over Earth as worlds collide...two humans make a discovery that will ignite the war between the oppressed and the superior, and change the world forever......

I gotta say, that this is the first album that I actually downloaded each track, and loved it so much that I supported Nero and BOUGHT it.

Apparently this is a concept album. A concept album is meant to tell a story, or set in some sort of theme. Nero's Welcome Reality album is supposed to be based off of their love for apocalyptic films or something like that. Either way, this album is meant to make the listener feel as if they are watching a movie in their heads.

Well,  mission accomplished. This is the first album that I've ever been able to close my eyes and listen to every track in order and come up with a story. To me, this story would be based in a dystopic society in the future, kind of like Akira, or any of those anime films that came out in the 80's.  This album doesn't just have one sound, it has dubstep, it has house, drum n bass, electronic, ambient..etc.

Every song seems to have some sort of message, like Choices, which explains how humans are destroying the world that they live in by the result of the choices they make, and some songs sound like something that should be played in a futuristic space ship chase scene, like Me & You, or Must Be The Feeling.

Recommended for: anime lovers, sci-fi geeks who watch movies with explosions and robots and anything directed by Michael Bays or M. Knight Shamaylan.

College Orientation

So friday, I actually put my procrastinations aside and went to my college orientation. Again, it was required for all incoming freshmen because it was also our registration.

I had been having sleeping problems. I had went to bed at 10pm, and woke up in the middle of the night at 1am. So at 6:15 I left the house and continued to the long journey that would be my future college.

Since it was 6:15 in the morning and I was heading north of the city, the traffic was at a minimum. The morning was fairly calm, I signed in, went to the auditorium and sat as I waited for further instruction.

We were divided into 3 groups: Incoming freshmen, transfer students, and students 25 and over. I was stuck with the straight outta high school freshmen. The reason why I had put so much emphasis on going to school was because I needed to be around more people my age, however, since I was very sleepy during this orientation, that was not my intent this time. I was stuck with an obnoxious group of teenagers that I hadn't seen since the incoming freshmen in high school. We had to mingle and get to know each other and that's not my biggest specialty, so I just didn't do it.

The whole reason we were supposed to be there from 7:30 am to 6:00 pm, was because we were on a schedule, yet none of the professors wanted to be there until 6pm, so basically we sat there watching videos of college safety for an hour, went to "lunch" which was just cold sandwiches, came back to our group room and sat for an hour and a half, played a game, then watched another college safety video, played another game (I didn't even bother), and then it was time to register for classes. Since there have already been at least, 6 weeks worth of students who had registered before us, we kind of got the short end of the stick with the classes, so we were told to pick what we could, then change it once drop/add begins. Drop/Add is basically when the class avaliblity shifts and people start switching classes.

Since I have to work, I only have 2 classes (and those were the only one I could choose), these classes are

• world religion: Monday, weds, fri, 9:00-9:50 am

ok, not bad, but this is what I need to change:

• mathmatics: Weds 6:30-10pm

I kinda need classes closer together dontcha think?

Overall, it was ok I guess. There was this one guy in our group who graduated high school a year before me and was an incoming freshman, so I didn't feel too bad, because, like me, his real-life priorities got in the way of continuing his education. So there you have it, instead of 7:30-6, it was more like 7:30-4pm.

Being A Girl Gamer.

I'm just curious. When did girl gamers become a heated topic of controversy?

Seriously, google "girl gamers" and you'll see a bunch of stuff come up about why it's controversal and then you'll see pics of naked chicks with controllers and a caption that says "girl gamer". But what does being a girl gamer REALLY mean?

When I was little, I practically grew up around video games. First we had a computer, then we had a super Nintendo that my older sisters played ALL the time, and then when the playstation first came out, I was fascinated by it's open worldness and freedom. In elementary school, I enjoyed playing the little computer games when they had nothing else for us to do, and when the sims came out, I HAD to have a computer, even if it means not eating a full dinner for a few weeks. Now, I know that some girl gamers are quick to say that they've always hung out with the guys and never played dolls, I had a better relationship with guys in school, but outside of school I had female friends, and we didn't play dolls (I have always been scared of dolls) we played with our build-a-bears. But eventually I because the social outcast, and no one wanted to hang out with me, all of my sisters had grown up and moved out, so it's always been me and a kick ass video game. Video games have always been my best friend.

But some of us "girl gamers" just downright infuriate me. There are 2 1/2 types that annoy me.

The first one is the attention whore FPS player. This chick ONLY plays Call of duty and/or Halo and the only reason she plays them is because she wants to seem like the relatable-datable chick that all the guys want. These are the girl gamers that I used to experience in school, but that's because I went to a school full of sluts. I can't even begin to explain how many times I have been in a group conversation about video games where the only other girl is going on and on about Call of duty. And she never says anything other than "oh I play call of duty!" like that's the only video game to ever exist on Earth, and she doesn't say it because she really wants to talk about it, she just wants every guy in the group to have an epiphany and think "GASP! That's my dream girl" but no, honey. This chick knows nothing else about video games. This is the girl who you see pics of online with some lingerie holding a controller. Note: the quickest way to call this girl out on her BS is to throw questions about the game in her face: " what's your highest kill streak? what weapon do you use the most? do you use any cheats?" and if they somehow manage to answer those questions, then ask them this:

"what other games do you like to play?"

The second "girl gamer" that annoys me is the one that likes to say every five minutes how much of a tomboy she is and how she's never played with dolls and blah blah blah.. I understand how gender stereotypes are sometimes still in 50's housewife and we DO have to state our place in the gaming world from time to time. For an example, when I used to live in a small town in Arizona, the employees at the gamestop practically KNEW me and everything, but once I moved back to Atlanta, no matter how many times I go into the gamestop near my house they still assume that I'm shopping for some imaginary boyfriend or imaginary little brother instead of myself. These stereotypes are alive and well, but the stereotype of the badass girl gamer annoys me even worse. Sweetie, we are aware that you like boy things, but you don't need to piss on every single tree; seriously, every single forum, every single youtube video about video games, every single live podcast, there is a bunch of girl gamers reciting what seems to be some sort of creed:

I never played with dolls when I was little

I have more male friends than female friends

I like doing things that boys do

and I am a girl.

Congratulations. However, I WOULD be contradicting myself if I didn't say I wasn't guilty of this (I just stated like, half of it in the first paragraph) but it's like spam and it's irritating, it's just another way some girl gamers make us look bad. 

Another type of "girl gamer" that has the potential to annoy me is the anime freak. Back in the sailor moon - namco - konami - pokemon days of my childhood I loved anime, but if you ask me a question about which character from Total Blade Power I liked the most, Ranuke or Ishuamuki, you wont really get a response out of me. There is nothing wrong with loving anime, it is fucking hilarious and a lot of it is cool, but I guess since a lot of the makers of video games are Japanese it is assumed that I'm supposed to religiously know the name of all anime series ever to exist. Plus I kinda grew out of my anime phase a while ago. 

Disclaimer: girl gamers are indeed, awesome people, and while we are the minority of the gaming world, there are some people who hear the words "female gamer" and roll their eyes, because there are "US" who enjoy games because it's always been a part of who we are and sometimes it's a world we can escape to when the real world gets too tough to deal with, but because it IS a modern trend, some people just want to hop on the bandwagon and go "oh yeah I like video games too" but no, I LOVE video games, I love how it takes me to another world, I love how I can accomplish more in a game than I can in real life, and I love it so much that I am going to school for video game development. For me it's not just a thing, It's all I have ever really had. 

And for the record, there is nothing wrong with playing FPS games, after all, they are "games" but real gamers play all type of games, regardless of the nature or genre, however, I don't really care for FPS; they lack story depth and if I wanted to play a game where I am in the military, I would've just joined the military FFS. I used to play FPS back in 2004. And I have played COD: hated it. That's for the stereotypes.

BTW check out the article The Different Type Of Girl Gamers by ComicalDisaster. And this clip from family guy about girl gamers. Sad but true: