I'm not going to apologize about this being a late post, because in all honesty, I don't get enough blog followers to really care, so it's like 'who am I actually talking to'? y'know?
Last week I came to a realization.
I am a mean girl.
and I don't mind.
The whole thing about me and being a mean girl came to me while I was at work. In all honesty, I haven't been feeling all that awesome, so I do a lot of things alone around this time; also, my job has been pissing me off lately- between annoying customers, vapid management, and ratchetness going on, it's like, who would really wake up in the morning and look forward to this? Yes, it's the morning: I wake up at 5:30, leave at 6 to be there at 7 (it's kinda far), so who really has time for conversation? I mean really? When I sit down at my desk, I assume my face has the most melancholy expression, how does this translate into "LETS HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!"? Naturally, I would let this drag on because I was always taught to be nice and friendly, so I would say a thing or two, and hopefully let the subtle message of don't bother me right now kick in, but as usual, it fails, and the person keeps talking. That's when it's time to go to plan B: do not reply, just simply nod. This my friends, often backfires as well. It would seem that by this point the person is really oblivious to body language. This is the part where you have to use your bitchface to your advantage. Yes I said bitchface. What is bitchface? It's a permanent scowl, despite not being mad, this is just your average facial expression, so forgive me if I'm not constantly smiling like some sort of crazed purge-mask wearing maniac but hey..
This minor situation is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to mean girl life. Some girls gossip, some girls judge, some are just bitchy. Me? I'm just super bitchy, and I've tried to work on it, but it never goes away.
Ever heard the saying "You attract more bees with honey" or something like that? For a while I wanted more people to like me, so I tried to stop being bitchy and start being nicer. How? by watching other people in action, observing the likeable people and how they naturally pull in others like a magnetic field. For a while it worked - outstandingly, then it failed miserably...sometimes people will not acknowledge you for the new you, oh yes, they will always remember the old, bitchy you. So that's when you just say "fuck it" and stop being nice and start being real.
But the main reason why I would be considered a mean girl is not because of resting bitch face OR antisocial behavior, it's the fact that I am actually mean. And I don't mind - it took years of built up anxiety and frustration to get to this point in my life. Being a mean girl has it's advantages and its disadvantages.:
Advantages: People will know what to expect out of you. They know not to bring up a certain subject or you will get angry, they know that if they want an honest opinion they can come to you, your demands are more appreciated..it's fun, it's exciting, you get to befriend other mean girls!
Disadvantages: A lot of time people don't want to talk to you anymore. That same attitude that gets you places can hold you back.
I've put a lot of thought into it, and it's not that I like being a mean girl, but I've come to terms with not faking emotions. If I'm feeling nice, I'll be nice; if I'm not feeling nice, then prepare to feel the thunder.
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