This Is Stupid.

This is a rant on something very dumb. But it's how I feel right now and I'm not sure what to do about it.

So after 2 years of going through financial aid hell, I get a chance to actually attend a real life college. And while I am extremely grateful, this is not the school I wanted to go to, its sort of this lame community college that is now a 4 year university but the name suggests would make one believe it is a community college, and while I have nothing against community college, this new 4 year university or whatever is only my school of choice because I wanted to move into a dorm room, and my financial aid will not finance this room....in fact no one's financial aid will pay for this room. For an example: the federal pell grant gives each student $5500. An off campus student can take the maximum credit hours for both semesters and still get a college refund check in the end. An on-campus student with the pell grant, however, will not even be able to take classes because all of the money will have to go towards a dorm room, and the rooms are so much money that to take classes and have a room will cost roughly around $9000 per semester which would be an estimated $18,000 for the whole year! Whoever in the hell can afford this wont even be attending school, they'll be attending the good schools like UGA or Georgia Tech or Oglethorpe University, which was my dream school as a child, but I slacked off in High School for 2 years so getting into any of these is a negative.

Another thing that annoys me is the orientation, required for all new students, will be from 7:30am to 6:00pm. What the fuck are we doing for 10 hours? touring the new lunar-based classrooms on the moon? There will be meals provided....don't care. And as if these orientations aren't bad enough, I have to be there with other people. Now, not a lot of people know me very well, but the ones that do know enough that I don't mix well with other people, especially the ones in my age group.

I always thought that the better the college, the better the job opportunities afterwards, and one of my biggest fears that I face every day is failure. I don't want to work retail for the rest of my life until retirement because if that's the case I will never have enough to support myself and retire. The only reason why I am trying to go is because after the horrible bad summer of 2010, I'm still trying to rebuild my life, and I've come too far to turn back, (and also they've added a new video gaming development course) but my determination is falling and falling and things that I once wanted to do and loved to do I can't enjoy anymore. Like literally, today in the middle of work, I really just stood there for a moment and contemplated. Not only am I wondering if I should continue or not, but I'm starting to think I'm stupid and will end up flunking anyway (thats why I slacked off those 2 years of high school, because I started to think I was dumb)

And it sucks. The fact is that I can get into a college. I have several times. But I could not pay for them because FAFSA is a joke. And now that I finally finally finally have a chance, I know deep down in my heart and soul that this is not the college I wanted to go to. I wanted to go to a college with sororities and fraternities and student life and stereotypical stuff, not a wannabe school with this...stuff going on. And only like 6 fields of study to choose from WTF?

I'm an ungrateful bitch.