'Tis Balls.

I changed the blog name again. So I have to post this again.

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A Short Rant About Religion.

A touchy subject indeed, but I just think it's awkward to bring up religion when you first meet someone. I don't think it's appropriate.

People have different beliefs, and just because they're different from yours, that doesn't mean they're bad, that just means they do things another way than you do. I can't tell you how many discussions I've gotten in where people told me I was wrong or I wasn't supposed to worship that way. For starters, I'm a catholic, ok? Which means that our way of prayer is normally different from baptists, protestants, Lutheran, etc. But because our way is different from normal, straightforward christians, I have been told that it wasn't appropriate because we worship idols or something?First of all, WTF, Idols? Like Easter Island heads or something? I don't worship idols, I mean yeah, we have the saints and the virgins, but in my opinion God would be the superior above them, right? so what's the big deal?

Another reason why religious people get on my nerves is because they take forever to get to the point. They have to explain EVERYTHING. For an example, I will admit, at one point in my life I was an atheist. People would ask me about religion, and I would just tell them I was an atheist. I have no problem telling people my point of view, there's no point in lying, and I know you're hurt because I don't want to participate in your religion club, but one time in high school this girl (who turned out to be a member of the Junior Christians Alliance or whatever it was called) asked me if I believed in God, and I told her no..BRO, before I knew it, the teacher, that girl, and some guy who looked like he had just gotten out of juvie all tried to give me some sort of religious intervention - which really didn't help, I was ready for them to burn me at the stake or hang me for practicing witchcraft or something. It's just a waste of time, if I just believe in something else, then I just believe in something else, now leave me alone.

It just gets me how people always want to change someone's beliefs. I mean, if the person is going through hell then ok, show them the path or whatever, but if someone is just fine and dandy, leave them alone. And stop peddling religion like it's a brand of girl scout cookies - it's greedy. Like I cannot even explain how many times I am at work and a customer just wants to stop and have a conversation about religion:

Me: Hi! how are you?

Customer: Hello

ok, that's normal, but when they start pulling this stuff right here:

Customer: have you heard the word of God today? 

Do you know Jesus?

I'm here to tell you about it.

What IS this? The fucking crusades or something?

I'm not gonna bash here, their intentions are good and they mean well, but I just can't help thinking of this whenever conversations like this appear:

 templars!!

Disclaimer: I have nothing against any religion or anything, to me different beliefs are what make the world and cultures unique, but when that whole "my religion is better that yours" stuff starts popping up, it makes me feel like who are you to tell us what to do with our lives?

Plus, like I said before, my family is catholic, I was raised catholic, my mom went to catholic school, but I have my own beliefs. To be honest here, religion scares me. I just feel like whatever you do, no matter what, it's wrong and you will be punished for it, so while I have attempted to embrace religion because LOL..things do not go as planned for me most of the time, it's just really really uncomfortable. Does the effort at least count?

College Bum.

I'm just gonna sum up my college experience so far, because if I know life (and believe me, I know life), this is how things are always gonna be.

For one thing, since housing is expensive, and I failed to take out student loans, I have to commute back and forth, which is a bitch because I don't like driving that much, and parking on campus is hell, so I probably most likely illegally park in the student housing parking lot, but I have no other options.

Due to paranoia and bad timing I always arrive on campus early, which means I have nothing to do. I used to know some people who went there;I kinda feel like the campus bum in a way, I clean myself in the bathrooms whenever I feel dirty, and I sleep in my car whenever I'm tired.  Unfortunately I can't find anyone I used to know or anyone to hang out with, so I try to find a quiet space where I can sit and use my laptop in peace.

What I've noticed is that this is just like a regular college - dorms, guys stereotypically playing shirtless Frisbee on the green, people hanging out, but for me it's just awkward, I legit don't have anyone to talk to, so I just sit in a building somewhere and look around. What I've also noticed is that there is a disturbing amount of cigarette smokers, like every other person on campus has a cigarette in their hand, like WTF.

There are a lot of really good looking guys, and by good looking I mean I-only-thought-these-type-of-guys-existed-in-the-movies type of guys. It would help if I was equally hot so I would have a chance, but it is whatever.

So far my classes are ok, my sociology class is my favorite so far, because we talk about people and basically stuff I rant about on this blog, and my first assignment is easy- stand in a crowded place and observe. Easy, no?

I have mixed feelings about college. I feel like I'm fully missing out on the college experience because of being a commuter and my socially retarded-ness; It's kind of like being a clown at a child's birthday party..you don't really get to enjoy the party, you just make a few appearances from time to time. I like to compare it to this poster that I used to have:

 

So much for study buddies. Maybe I'll find myself in a situation where I find a club or a study group and we end up hanging out..

That's better.

 Yet even though I may seem like I'm really ungrateful, I really can't complain. I've have been trying to get to college for 2 years now, and now that I'm here I can try to learn from my slacker mistakes that I learned from in high school. Just try to pass please.

First Week Of College: First Day

So I am EXHAUSTED.

Today was a full-on day. I had to go up to the school at 11am this morning, and between updating my classes, verifying my financial aid, and RE-verifying my financial aid, it took a while. However, I got everything done, and I went to my first class.

Today I had math 0099, which is the pre-college math class they put people in when their math SATs are subpar. I'll admit, I'm really dyslexic when it comes to math, in any other subject, I am a beast, but in mathematics, I am a total derp; always has been.

Anyway, the teacher is nice, it's actually my 12th grade statistics teacher (how'd he get there!) and that's mainly the reason why I switched the class time, because I recognized the teacher name and was like "OHHH IM GONNA PASS!!" because he's one of those teachers that explains things clearly. I'm afraid to find out what the others will be like.

So far everything seems ok. The commute is really difficult, especially since the class starts at 6:30pm and it's rush hour for people coming from the city, and it's hell for someone with their first car, but the ride back is a bit easier because the class ends at night. The campus is really crowded, like there is never a dull moment at all, and I guess that if I had gotten housing I would've been closer to people, but I find it extremely hard to bond with people at this point, I mean some people are just "hi, my name is..." but I've never been like that, I've had my guard up since the 6th grade, so I really don't think that my dreams of having friends are gonna come true..at all LOL.

But I just gotta give it another chance; it wasn't bad, but it didn't feel like school or anything. We'll see.

Mecca Of Crazy Dreams: Icarus

You know how they say God or your subconscious sends you messages in your sleep? Well this dream really made me think.

This dream starts out as a 1970's movie starring Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby played a track star, who everyone loved and admired, until one day he broke his leg, forcing him to not be able to run anymore. He sat and loathed for days and days, and instead of trying, he gave up on himself. One day, out of his newfound boredom, he created a pair of wings, and decided to try and fly across the river to the other side of the city. At first he keeps crashing into the river, but then he gets support from the local community, and he keeps trying, eventually suceeding in flying and taking off across the river.

Then the dream switches to present day, and it was more like a remake, only this time, the lead character was female, and instead of being a track star, she decided to give up on life because she felt like she wasn't good enough, so inspired by the movie, she decides to make a pair of wings and fly across the river to the other side of the city. At first she keeps falling in the river, but once her family finds out what she's doing, they support her and she decides to keep trying to fly. One day, she sees a few people by the river hanging out, and decides to show off her new skills, at first she stumbles, but she succeeds in taking off in flight..across the river.


Now, I know this dream has something to do with what I said the other night. I proclaimed that this time if school didn't work out, I was giving up. I am really sick of trying and never getting anywhere, not knowing what to do. My family tells me not to give up, but honestly sometimes, not to sound loathe-y or anything but I have really run out of reasons to go on.

Quick Update.

This is a quick update of whats been going on lately.

Box Braids

After trying to figure out WTF to do with my damaged hair, I decided to just grow it back out while getting protective hairstyles. I was gonna get more chopped off, but that would've made the situation worse, then I decided to get a weave, but it would either look cheap or I couldn't put it in a bun, so I was either going to get micro or tree braids, which would've taken my entire hairline out. After much self-convincing and browsing on Google, I decided to get box braids because they were different. At first I thought they were ugly and too reminiscent of Janet Jackson's hair in Poetic Justice, but once I got them I got SOOO many more complements on my hair than before, and I think they are just tres belle ^ ^!

College

...Is pissing me off. School starts August 20th and I was almost prepared until they caught on to my 'I'll just take 2 classes since I have to work and everything will be ok!" scheme, because now I have to take 4 in order for my financial aid to fall through.

Job

OH THE BALLSACK THAT IS WORKING RETAIL. 

and not just retail, a major retail chain that is very popular. When it's not the customers that hate me, it's upper management being dickheads and not having faith in me, and before today we were shortstaffed, but our manager has managed to hire 3 more people so horrah.

Thumb

It seems like whenever I'm stressed out that's when I get hurt. On Tuesday I was walking into my job half asleep when I closed my car door on my thumb, and not just slammed my door on it, it closed and latched on my finger! I quickly examined my thumb and saw the blood rushing out of my finger all over both hands. Fortunately for me, I work next to a clinic, so I quickly rushed inside to get bandaged up, then get seen by the doctor, because I was in so much pain that I needed to make sure everything was ok (and to see if I needed to get any meds). So he decided to work on it. I received several Novocaine shots just to numb the pain as he drained the blood from under my fingernail which I cracked sideways BTW, and afterwards I couldn't work for 2 days because of the thumb pain and I cant really do much with my right hand. Now I know how it must have felt to be amputated in the 19th century with no anesthesia or anything.

Outlets

Because of my off the wall stress level, I need a hobby or at least a creative outlet to keep my mind occupied, so I have decided to re-install the sims 2 and have decided to make stories out of them. They will be uploaded onto my other blog that I made especially for these sims 2 stories called Pointless Stories

oh COME ON!

I am the most indecisive person on the face of the planet...but I have learned my lesson, from now on, since I am incapable of making good decisions on my own, I will just ask someone, or get a quote or reference or something.

My hair sucks. A few months ago..repeat: MONTHS AGO..I had gotten a Frankie Sanford style haircut. When I had gotten the haircut, I was all proud and it felt good to have short hair. A week later I realized that the haircut I had gotten didn't resemble the Frankie Sanford haircut that I had wanted, it more resemble the Skrillex haircut :S

So I kinda edited it, fast forward to now and it looks more like the haircut I wanted, but this time it looked like Victoria Beckham's old haircut, and when I keep it up, it actually looks like the original Frankie Sanford haircut I wanted.

Here's the problem. I really really really don't feel feminine at all now. I try to do whatever I can to make my hair look pretty but it doesn't. I used to dress like a tomboy sometimes, but at least I had nice, girl hair to back it up, and now I don't, I'd rather wear a hat everywhere than go out in public looking like this, and because I don't really like styling my hair, it looks like my haircut is a botched job..which it is because I did it, but you can't really TELL.

And the icing on the cake is.....it's been what, 4 months? my hair isn't growing back.

I'm not sure if it is a result of my failure to retain my hairstyle or my severely split ends or what, but sheesh, there is literally no record progress of my hair growing. Even when my hair was longer, it never really grew down, it grew out, and when it did grow down it just grew at an extremely slow pace. I can remember why I got my hair cut in the first place: it felt liberating, low maintenance, and kept me cooler in the hot Georgia weather, but so far all I've had is a hard time, evil stares from my grandmother, and plummeting self-esteem. I have learned my lesson, and my lesson is that all hairstyles are not fit for most people, if it looks good on them, it most likely probably definitely wont look good on me. I'm not sure what to do right now, but I have learned my lesson, and once my hair grows back..pshh if it EVER grows back, I will never get it cut again.