Killing Me Softly

I am a certified quitter.

So I haven't had time to do anything lately; working every day from 10pm to 6:30am and having to go to my original job in the afternoon was killing me: I was/am putting in more than 60 hours a week, and it almost killed me.

See, the reason I had taken this new job was because I wanted to leave my retail job behind for something better. I needed a car before school started in August, and I just wanted a better lifestyle. Unfortunately, I was just a six week filler for someone on maternity leave, and the position "may or may not be temporary". See, I need more information than that - it's just not reliable. So as a backup plan, I kept my old job while working at this new job, and if they decided to keep me after the six weeks were up, I could quit my retail job.

But it started to take a toll on my body; Monday night I had almost passed out at work, causing them to send me to the break room. I hadn't had time to even eat lately, I haven't had time to sleep, I even missed my mom. What's even worse is that I work EVERY DAY, and when I'm off from the retail job, I still sleep allllll day because I was exhausted.

Whenever I'm really stressed out, I get this pain in my lower abdomen that doesn't go away and it feels like some sort of lump. Well, yesterday I had a panic attack and then the lower abdomen pain started acting up again. I was in tears, so I had to go to the ER. They gave me some meds, and then they recommended that I see a therapist or someone to help me control the stress that I've been dealing with since I was like, 8 years old.

The hospital gave me a doctors note for both jobs, and while my retail job was more understanding, my overnight job was not; they wanted me to fax them the doctor's note, and it will be their decision whether they want me to come back or not. It was a bit shocking for me to hear that, only because I had never heard that in real life before. I was about 2 seconds away from telling them that I wouldn't be coming back because I couldn't handle the workload, but I felt like a quitter; so far I've quit a daycare job because of the treatment of the employees and the kids, and now I would probably be leaving a job I've only been on for 3 weeks, HELL I almost quit high school before I found out that I actually had potential, but that was a long time ago.

 Am I weak? does this make me a quitter? I would have no problem if I were to just have the one job, but since I didn't know whether I was permanent or not, I kept both jobs and almost killed myself in the process. I don't know anything. I just missed my life. I missed coming home at night to be able to take a bath and surf the net. I missed food, free time, VIDEO GAMES! I missed it all. I am happy to have my life back, but my self esteem has just plummeted to the ground.